401: Kindness Not Found

The less you respond to rude people... 

The more peaceful your life will become.

Mandy Hale

A man enters the metro without holding open the door before you; someone pushes in front of you in a queue; a passer-by blows smoke in your air space; your boss shows no remorse when he gives you extra work to do; a colleague interrupts you repeatedly without apologizing while speaking; preachy stranger comments on your child's behavior or breeding? Not everyone is polite in every situation and not everyone has to like you. But when in doubt you can always try to keep calm and ignore, just walk away rude people. If the insulting person's rank is higher than yours, comeback choices are limited but also possible. Generally it all depends on "is his opinion some of your business" answer.

Things seem to be worse when you have to deal with rude near (but not so often dear) relative. Unfortunately, not everyone has a close-knit family. Day by day you have to encounter with verbally abusive person who often passes judgement on your career or your kids, doesn't appreciate your housework or doesn't like your spouse's relatives or/and passes offensive remarks, jokes or snotty comments about them. Time and again an unpleasant aftertaste remains after your talk, or even worse, it's hard to keep the conversation alive. Probably your common reaction is "fight fire with fire" behavior, trying to change the offender and hope to hear apologizes from him. So my is, while I know that it's hard to change myself, so much more hard is to change others. And I realise I can scarcely wait for apology, because that's just the way the offender is: he is rude for me, but for himself he is real.

No likely you can apply "keep calm and ignore" or "kill them with kindness" principle as far as somebody of your family is concerned. Although my husband is used to being plain with everybody (thus he considers this explains the fact his friends are few) and tries to be quiet if he can't be kind. As for me, my practice in growing sick skin leaves much to be desired  :).

Frankly speaking, I'm a poor "how-to-deal-with-rudeness" guide. Not all of my relatives get along well with the rest of the family. And not all of my positive responses to somebody's disrespectful behavior had a satisfactory outcome. But here are some of replies to hurtful remarks due to which you can defend yourself while still being assertive, positive and polite:

• I'll try being nicer if you try being more intelligent.
• Thank you.
• I appreciate your perspective.
• It's time for your (and my) meditation.
• I think we've reached the end of this conversation.
• You don't really expect me to answer that, do you?
• Are you having a bad day?
• Sorry, I wasn't listening. Can you say it again?
• I beleive you.
• Ok.
• Oh I'm sorry the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours.
• I'm sorry talking while you're interrupting. Please, you go first. 

In fact, I believe that philosopher Eric Hoffer's labeling of rudeness as "the weak man's imitation of strength" is one of the best ways to look at, and then deal with this type of behavior. Thus how people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.

Good news, in conclusion: 

Offenders are not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes they are asleep. :)

“Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it” 

      Rene Descartes